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Truths About Money - Part 9

Posted on March 15, 2015 at 1:55 PM

Self-centeredness with money leads to destruction

     Far too often when a couple is short on funds one or both of the parties within the marriage feels as if they are being asked to sacrifice more than the other. In point of fact in most cases both members feel that they sacrifice and do without more than their spouse does. Isn't that just the way we are as humans? Unfortunately, there are many cases where it is not just a feeling: it is reality. The husband is still a little boy who thinks that he should have all the toys that he wants, or the wife thinks that she is a princess and her very existence entitles her to her every whim. The sad reality is that we live in a world where people are becoming more and more Narcissistic. Advertisers tell us, from the time we are children, that we should have everything that we want and far too often parents reinforce this message by trying to give little Billy or little Cindy every thing that they ask for. Far too often, we also try to give our children all the things that we wanted when we were children. We as adults, try to relive our youth vicariously through our children, thus the gifts to our children are in reality, gifts to ourselves. Further, with job demands requiring so much of our time we often find ourselves not having enough time to spend with our kids and far to often we try to compensate by giving them more stuff. This problem is made worse in our society as we have seen the increase of so many marriages ending in divorce. Parents, now motivated by even more guilt, try to give things to their children in hopes of helping their children deal with the hurt, which the parents have created, in their children's lives. Further, this problem can be exaggerated as parents and grandparents try to compete for their children's love. The net result is that these children grow up with a sense of privilege. They think, "I should get what I want, whenever I want it." They truly believe that they are entitled and they take this attitude into adulthood. They think that the most important thing in life is that they are happy. Self-sacrifice is not a concept that they understand.

     In an Ideal marriage each person willingly sacrifices for the well being of his or her spouse. If one of the members is narcissistic this can have devastating results. If both are narcissistic it becomes a battle of manipulation with equally bad results. This is a problem for all of us since we all have a tendency to be self-centered. After all, we all truly do love ourselves. In this situation, one or both spend as they see fit. Sometimes they will even attempt to spend secretly they will lie and say they spent money on bills or something important when in reality they have simply spent upon themselves. Left unchecked this behavior will have
devastating results upon both their finances and their marriage.

     Many couples attempt to deal with this problem in a number of different ways, but we will have to talk about this next week.
-Pastor Tim

Categories: Pastor's Pen, Money